Monday, March 8, 2010

"Don't Be A Little Bitch With Your Chit-Chat" - my new favorite ;)

Picture property of The Sun Newspaper. http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage


So let’s talk about Ke$ha for a minute.

She’s been blowing up the radio in your car, she’s making frequent appearances in the Facebook status updates of girls, guys and grown-up but out-of-control, unable-to-adapt party lovers everywhere—and she’s even blaring in the department stores you shop in.

In her video on RollingStone’s website she proclaims, “You know, it’s a recession; dancing is free. I wanna make people dance.”

And, so: I LOVE HER!

Call me trend follower, or a mindless sheep flocking to what the entertainment and music industries demand I view as the “Next. Best. Shit.” You can even call me shallow, unintelligent or easily entertained. But you know what? My newfound love of this girl, much like my two-years-running obsession with Taylor Swift, isn’t going to be something I give up anytime soon.

Why, you might ask?

Her new album “Animal,” has beats reminiscent of Lady GaGa. She works with a free and liberal application of glorious glitter make-up. Her songs reference being a “hot-mess,” “feelin’ like P.Diddy”, “a dirty free-for-all” and those “D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R old men” who don’t realize us young hot things don’t want them to eye-fuck us (or buy us drinks no matter how poor we are, thank you very much!). And for every song of hers that I listen to, I have a different, crazy “this jam makes me happy” dance, an accompanying moronic smile and a variety of harmonization in place. “So why wouldn’t I obsess over her?” might be a better question.

I’M ADDICTED.

Oh, and I also might want to add that Ke$ha is like my imaginary best friend who is so exactly like my self-deprecating, dysfunctional side that she’s practically living inside my body and brain.

So, why does this seeming artist/album review belong in a blog about men and fashion?

Well…besides the fact that her delectable little snack “Boots and Boys” inspired this blog with my favorite lines “I’m keepin’ quite the collection, take nothin’ but perfection, cowboy boots—cowboy boys;  Mmm, oh joy,” you can take your pick from her variety of songs I can’t keep out of my head (or my cd player).

Peek, for instance, at these lyrics from “Your Love Is My Drug,” the first track of “Animal:”

“Baby I need some rehab,
Or maybe just need some sleep.
I got a sick obsession,
I’m seein’ it in my dreams.
I’m lookin’ down every alley,
I’m makin’ those desperate calls;
I’m stayin’ up all night hopin’…
Hittin’ my head against the wall!

What you got, boy,
is hard to find;
I think about it all the time.
I’m all strung out,
my heart is fried,
I just can’t get you,
off my mind.

Because your love, your love, your love:
is my drug.
Your love, your love, your love!
I said, your love, your love, your love:
Is my drug.
Your love, your love, your love!

Won’t listen to any advice;
Mom’s tellin’ me I should think twice.
But left to my own devices,
I’m addicted; it’s a crisis!

My friends think I’ve gone crazy.
My judgment’s gettin’ kinda hazy.
My steeze is gonna be affected
If I keep it up like a lovesick crackhead!”


For any of you who know me well, this might remind you of certain “drive-bys” and other stalking tendencies from my college days (yes, that means this is in the past… at least for now). I've definitely been that crackhead before... and so have you. So even if you don’t know me, it all still makes sense. Who among us hasn’t been tragically nuts (for no reason, I might add) over a guy before? This bass-heavy, guilty, pop-pleasure piece displays the insane tendencies of any young lady in lust or in infatuation with an asshole that is really just bad for her. It shows how pathetic we can be as women, but how completely understandable and universal it is at the same time.

But following that song up five tracks later is “Blah, Blah Blah” where Ke$ha insists:

“Zip your lip like a padlock,
and meet me in the back with the Jack and the jukebox
I don’t really care where you live at,
Just turn around boy—let me hit that.
Don’t be a little bitch with your chit chat
Just show me where your dick’s at!”

….

“Boy come on get your rocks off.
Come put a little love in my glove box.
Wanna dance with no pants on?
Meet me in the back with the Jack and the jukebox!”

This time, she demonstrates our ability to “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” like the boys, and sings the truth that while some men makes us nuts… others are just as pathetic as we can be sometimes.

Either way, Ke$ha delivers from every angle. She covers all spectrums. I feel like her album could help me recover from or revel in a one-night stand, a “lost cause” of a relationship that was never to be, or the end of my most important romance. Maybe I’m reaching, maybe I’m right, or maybe I’m a sucker. There’s also the possibility that Ke$ha and I are both pathetic and insane. But whatever the case… I bet there are millions of women out there who feel just like me.

Ke$ha gets us; she is us. She understands our need to fight control, capture and maintain it and then throw it all away with a really strong bottle of booze. Let’s invite her to our next party! And I, for one, am taking back my confidence, my control and rockin’ my stride for the first time in a long while… thanks to Ke$ha. Again, that might be me reaching a little, but with the affect music has on people, it’s definitely possible that she’s at least assisting in the process!

And btw, in her RollingStone video, she also tossed out:

“I plan to leave this decade fists held high, fighting a war against pretention.”

And after some recent man interactions, I am too. So EFF pretentious people and judgmental shortsighted egocentrics—and let’s rage along to a little Ke$ha ladies!

Picture property of bpm Magazine. http://www.bpmmagazine.net 

Monday, March 1, 2010

True Religions? Not Such A Religion Anymore.

Does anyone remember how popular Ed Hardy used to be? Now you can only find it in consignment shops. Or, if you'd like, you can try the street corners of Manhattan where you might stumble on some knock off Christian Audigier. In either case, the brand is over. Done.



In all fairness, occasionally one of Ed Hardy fragrances might score big with the teeny boppers during holiday season (my baby sister just might own a bottle), but let's face it-- "Love Kills Slowly" (the Ed Hardy trademark design slogan) might as well be "over-priced graphic print, tattoo inspired, rebel-without-a-cause t-shirts die quickly." Abercrombie and Fitch, I might add, also demonstrates this, but adds its own twist with a dash of preppy and a liberal dose of sexual (in your face!) innuendo.

And if designer graphic tees from Audigier and "The Moose" are last year and the year before last year... then True Religion is next. Sure, the thickest stitching you've ever seen in your life might be cool if you're 13 to 18-years-old and need a pair of sturdy, heavy-gauge designer denim with loud "stare at me" butt pockets to wear to the Friday night football game. Or, if you have a wardrobe that doesn't have a single color that might clash with the traditional orange and yellow True Religion stitching, then the $200+ price tag might be worth it for a pair of super casual "take the kids to the park" and "meet my friends for lunch" denim.

But I, for one, have a lot of the fun, bold colors that are up and coming for spring this season. I love my Iris colored purples, my grassy greens and my cerulean blues. I'm almost 24, and since I don't attend high school social events regularly I don't feel the need for my ass to scream "I'm wearing True Religions! Look at me!"

And lastly, working in the retail industry, I know how flawed the product can be. The stitching comes undone at times, and the butt pockets are so low they make even the finest J.Lo style booty look saggy. I've never seen a denim stretch so much (more than your typical half size) and there are huge variances in sizing among all of their product. And if you want a peep show... this is the way to go! The rise in so short in front you can see ingrown hairs from where your pubes were last week!

Oh! By the way... did I forget the BLING!? WTF is up with the rhinestones? If I want to add a little sparkle to my denim, I'll buy a much more comfortable and affordable pair of Citizens of Humanity jeans and go play with a goddamn Bedazzler!


Again, if I'm being fair, there are probably a few pros left for True Religion before their denim will become completely untouchable. First, their adds in Vogue and Vanity Fair can be cute at times. And good advertising goes a long way towards extending the life line of a destined-to-die-out brand. Secondly, their perfume (like Audigier's) isn't too bad... and come to think of it, I think THAT is the pretty little scent my high school sis douses my bathroom with when she comes to visit (I don't think I'd actually let her own anything Ed Hardy... even if it was just the perfume). And lastly, the design team seems to be making an attempt to make a more "mature" product. Lately I'm seeing darker, dressier denim from them, with thinner, white stitching.

But... the pockets are still HUGE, low, and in general, obnoxious. If I see another pair of blinged-out True Relgions on a mother of two, or a any woman over the age of 18, I just might lose my mind. So I think I'll re-visit my point, which is: True religions? Not really such a religion, anymore. Toss 'em girls, or wear them when you're building houses in South America!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

An Introduction: Boots 'N Boys

Boots 'N Boys.

It's climbing a tree outside your ex-interest's house while drunk (in the rain) and you're wearing the cutest white ballet flats and a slammin' pair of skinny jeans. [Isn't it funny how we remember what we wore, even if we don't remember being in the damn tree?]

It's a black and white tie affair and you come in spring's hottest new turquoise ruffled mini dress... with last night's "one night stand."

It's shopping for a pair of designer sunglasses, because unlike Ke$ha, when you woke up feelin' like P. Diddy you didn't have the perfect pair to put on--warranting a hungover shopping trip.

It's neglecting to shave or wax "down there" because you thought you'd be coming home alone. And when you wake up with a headache and a should-be model with no body hair, you're re-thinking that decision about 5 or 6 hours too late.

It's a about one million other things too... but I don't have enough time to list everything "Boots 'N Boys" is going to be for you. Sometimes, we'll stay on topic... fashion and men. This blog should serve as a guide in the forever and constantly changing fashion world. And if it doesn't give the best advice about men, it will definitely have some hilarious stories about them.

At other times a random opinion about something in the celebrity world might slip in, along with my comments about music, movies, restaurants and the bar scene. Because really, you can't have one without the others... particularly if your life includes all the best indulgences the five senses have to offer. Chances are, if you taste it, touch it, look at it, smell it, or hear it.... whatever it is, it could end up here, and you probably have dabbled in it at some time or another. So sit back and enjoy-- comment, don't comment, read, send me ideas, or never come back to this page again. Whatever you do, I hope you're all out there enjoying your boots and boys to the fullest-- go "get it girls!"